When a loved one leaves us - a caregiver's thoughts
As a caregiver, we totally commit ourselves to caring for another person who no longer functions as they did when they were healthy. We often move in with them or move them into our homes.
We give up our jobs, our own independence, and very often lose contact with our family and friends. We can become so involved with the care of that person that sometimes we ourselves are removed from normal day to day living. Our entire life revolves around comforting and caring for our loved one.
Often we have put our lives on hold... not out of obligation but out of love. Then one day it happens that our loved one is released to a place of no more pain or suffering. We grieve and then the process of finding our way back into the world begins. How do we pick up the pieces and start to live again? There is no so-called "normal" pattern that each of us has to follow, it's such an individual process.
It seems to come down to taking one step at a time - some take longer than others. Often we take one step forward and two backwards, it is not an easy process but there is a life after caregiving. We just have to look forward and see opportunities that are once again there for us.
Renew old friendships, find a job that you feel good doing, do volunteer work (we already know you are a caring concerned person!), find a new hobby, or renew an old one... begin to take a few small steps towards living again. One of the best therapies is finding a friend you can talk to, one who will listen and support you as you ease back into the world.
Soon you will find that life does still exist and you are a part of it. Butterflies are still flying and the birds are still singing! The light of another day is showing through the clouds, and all that you gave up was well worth it in the end. We are better than ever for our commitment. We are forever changed in a good way; no one can ever take that total love away from us as we again join the world.
By Brenda Race, R.N.
(Brenda was caregiver to her mother.)